You can always end a chapter

I was crying before I even jumped in the water for that last race.

Mr. Phariss (one of my swim dads) was timing in the lane next to me and told me that I was "making my own history" in that next few minutes and to "make it count".

Do you know how challenging it is to swim when your goggles are full of water! And not from chlorine... from tears!

I didn't swim all that great, but I wasn't expecting to. When I saw the final flags I was crying hysterically. I got out of the water a mess. The timers in my lane thought I had hurt myself because I was crying so much. I never felt like I had lost more in my life.

Mr. Phariss was there to give me the biggest hug ever, saying that he was so proud. So many people know what sticking it out these past 4 years has done to me and meant for me. He's one of them. My dad was waiting there to to wrap me in a hug. I don't think we exchanged words at all, what could have been said that would have made the moment any less of a memory? Erica and Renee were next in line to wrap me in hugs, followed by Sam. I don't think they let go for a long time. Nothing was said, just hugs were given, and more hugs, and more hugs. All of us were crying.

Every swimmer gives SO much to the sport. We become a family, and when any one of the family is ending their journey, it's hard on everybody. We've swam together, we've cried together, I'm pretty sure we've all thrown up together too... (I know you wanted to know that). We're more than friends, we're a part of a bigger thing, a swim family.

I'll see Coach Dennis and Coach Kris on Tuesday. Those are the 2 that kept me swimming these past 4 years, and I know the hugs that will be had on Tuesday won't be dry-eyed either. But it's okay. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It has made me who I am today, ME!

I know that day will be a treasured memory forever. Give me about a week and I'm sure a better composed blog will come out of this, but this is the best I could do without completely losing it again.

The thing is though, now that it is over, I have realized exactly what swimming has made me, and I couldn't be more proud. I can truly say I joined the sport loving it, and I have left the sport (as a swimmer loving it). I think one day, I may have to take up coaching, I think I'd enjoy to see other people loving something that I truly love aswell. I guess we'll see what time tells. Until then, thank you swimming!

Pickin' Up Where We Left Off

How do you know you have met forever friends?

a) When you go to a basketball game and all 4 of you have a Bible on you
b) When you sit in traffic for over an hour to watch one friend play basketball for 45 seconds
c) When you haven't seen each other in over a month, but have no problem talking about everything and anything
d) When you wait 30 minutes after a game to run down a hallway and tackle a sweaty basketball player
e) When you laugh until you cry at the silliest things
f) When you can't stop smiling

I was able to go down to Clear Lake to meet up with Kristen and Cassie to surprise Carley at her basketball game. All of us worked at Cho-Yeh last summer, and are again this summer. I truly believe that those girls will be my friends forever, and I love them SO very much!

Maybe that Frappuccino Had More Caffeine Than I Thought...

Prior to today, my only experience with caffeine was chocolate... Keep that in mind :)

1:45-2:30: Organize calculus notes/quizzes during 7th Period JV Swimming
3:30-4:20: Study calculus at home
4:30-7:00: Study calculus at Barnes and Noble with Taylor.
7:30-8:45: Bible Study
9:15-12:15 AM: Study calculus.

About 5:00 I felt myself crashing. Thanks to dissecting a cat in anatomy my stomach had been all out of wack because of skipping lunch in an attempt to keep whatever was in my body... IN my body and not in a trashcan! I knew I had a long night of studying ahead of me if I had any hope at passing this calculus test tomorrow, so figured I might try my first ever coffee. Yes, FIRST ever.

Barnes and Noble has a Starbucks in there, so I went up an ordered the smallest size Vanilla Bean Frappuccino. (did you know the smallest size is a large?! And that if your family has a B&N membership you get 50% off drinks? [or maybe the guy just felt really bad for us because of the 20 of us there in our study groups attempting to learn something/anything about calculus]?)

It tasted just like a milkshake for the most part, nothing to become addicted to by any means. I'd much rather a Sonic or Chickfila milkshake, but whatevers.

8 hours later... I now understand! I'm not "wired" per-say, but you would think after 6.5 hours of studying calculus that one would be tired. NOPE! I mean, my bottom hurts from sitting down all day and all afternoon and all evening... but typically by about 11 I'm ready to collapse in bed.

So... was it the frappuccino that allowed me to survive till 12:50 AM? Or just the sheer determination to learn my OWN math homework since the past week has been spent in 8th grade Algebra 1 Math World with Kole, and 3rd Grade Geometry World with my Ready, Set, Teach! class? I have no idea. But I do know that my LAST 5:40 swim practice is tomorrow morning (or today) and my alarm is going off in 4 hours. Uh-oh.

This caffeine better kick in tomorrow morning, or else I'm going to be dragging all day!

Goodnight :)

This Is IT!

I don't think anybody could've guessed how something so insignificant as joining the Copperfield Dolphin Swim Team 14 years ago could have lead to my love for a sport that has completely changed my life.

I was three that first summer when I started to learn how to swim. And I was "THAT" 6 and under. You know, the one who everybody clapped for at the end of a 25 freestyle, not because they had just swum really fast and the crowd was applauding them on their skill, but rather because 5 minutes later the meet could finally move on. I can promise you that nobody at that time would have guessed the lasting impact and life-changing aspect that swimming would have on my life.

I don't think I could ever explain it in words the way that swimming has changed my life. I remember being younger and being a scared, timid, shy, quiet, insecure little girl. Nervousness and a lack of confidence tinted my everyday life: my schoolwork, swimming, my friends, it was apart of my everything. I was like a butterfly still stuck in a cocoon, just wanting to break out and never knowing how. I would go to swim practice, I would keep my goggles on all the time, and nobody was going to tap into the confused little girl that was trapped under that cap and beneath the goggles.

Now? I'm fearless, bold, confident and loud. Positivity and an upbeat attitude carry over from the pool to my life. I know exactly who I am and what I stand for. I have learned to let my guard down and be real with people, something I have struggling with for a long time. Swimming has defined my character and my being, and I don't know where I would be today without that as a fundamental part of my life.

Knowing that this is my last week is so hard. I have given so much to this sport, I have given my everything to it, and I know that it is coming to an end. I never thought I would get this emotional about it. I never figured I'd be sitting here typing this and be feeling the tears rolling out of my eyes. I never would have guessed. I never figured I'd be taking a shower and burst into tears realizing how quickly everything seems to be ending. It just didn't occur to me that eventually I would have a last week of swimming, I would have a last practice, I would have a last meet warm up, a last meet, a last race. I don't think anything could have prepared me for this. To hang up my cap and goggles and close the chapter of swimming that has been opened and been writing viciously my entire life.

I never would have guessed that this is it.

Busy Busy Busy!

To say that I have been busy is a slight understatement. Kinda. I've been busy doing things that I don't necessarily HAVE to be doing, (aka... not school) which is the best kind of busy!

I've been working 3 nights a week, and finally starting to have a breakthrough with a couple of my kids. Some nights are better than others (the nights when nobody comes are the best I think), but most of the time I really do enjoy the time at the pool with the kids.

I've been in a 3rd grade class for RST which has proved challenging. I have worked with a variety of kids of different ages before: pre-k, kinder, 1st, 2nd, and 5th, but I have never worked with third graders, and so it has been a challenge for me. I'm learning a lot, and being pushed out of my comfort zone is a good experience. I'm working on a lesson for them over fractions (yes... I'm not only in third grade, but I am in third grade MATH..), for next week, so we shall see how that goes!

All in all though, I have been busy being a 2nd Semester Senior. What does that really imply? LOTS of things! School hasn't been too bad except for calculus BC and English. It's actually kinda fun because all of the teachers know we are close to the end, and have been pretty easy on us. I've been hanging out with church friends, and talking a bunch with camp friends. I've been embracing the moments I have with my friends on swim at Cy-Falls, knowing that we don't have much time left together. I've been going crazy with Relay for Life stuff. I've been enjoying time at home with my family, because that time is going to go by fast as well. All in all, I've just been enjoying every second, and having a great semester. Time is going to go by so fast, and I'm definitely making the most of the time left!

The Last Race I'll Ever Win

Last night was my last high school dual meet. Districts is still two weeks out, but essentially the swimming season is winding down. Last night we swam against Ridge. Jodie and I were the only two girls swimming, and so CFLS didn't have any relays, just four individual races. I was entered into 2 races, the 200 IM and the 100 Free. 200 IM has been my favorite event for as long as I can remember, and even as I have gotten WAY slower this season without swimming club, it is still the one race I love to swim. Maybe because of it's length? Not a sprint, but not long distance. Maybe because of it's complexity? All 4 strokes combined into one single race. Maybe because of it's difficulty? Starting off swimming fly is never fun. Maybe because it's not favored? Nobody really enjoys this event because everybody has a speciality stroke and a weak stroke and it's not great to combine them. Maybe because it was meant for me?

Anyways, so I swam the 200 IM last night. I'm swimming it at districts, so it isn't like it was the last time I would swim this event. I started out strong on the fly, forgetting that I haven't been training club at all, and ended up exhausted by the breaststroke. I ended up winning the event though, the last time I would ever win an event, the last time I would win the event that I was made to swim.

It is definitely bittersweet, but I know that I am teaching kids to swim and helping give them that love too. Maybe one day one of the kids I taught how to swim all four strokes will be in the same position I am, winning for the last time that event that they were made to swim.

Survivin'

So... I realized I hadn't blogged since the 2nd Semester of Senior Year started... whoops!

On the bright side, I'm survivin'. Nothing too challenging academically wise has been happening. Economics K is definitely a breeze. I didn't even know Word Bank Quizzes still existed! Oh the bright sides of not taking AP :). I'm actually understanding calculus... that never happens. Hmm? Anatomy is the biggest joke known to man. Although, it really shouldn't be a joke b/c I'm not all that great at science. Nor does it even semi-interest me. The teacher teaches it like we are freshman since she is a predominately freshman bio teacher. Everything is a cinch until we get to the tests because then we all realize we were never taught anything. Hmm... Eh, that can be worried about at another time. English is going okay, we haven't done anything yet so I can't really complain. We're reading Hamlet and writing a research paper over military interventionism. ICK!

RST is interesting. We started going to the elementary school again today, and we all have different grade levels. I knew I had been placed in a 4th grade classroom and was trying my best to be positive. It ended up being a 12 student ESL class, who spent half the time at large groups (PE, art, music, etc) while the teacher planned. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. I wanted to be with the kids the entire time, I'm not going to learn anything through watching them do warm ups and then listening to teacher's plan. So... hopefully when I go back tomorrow I will have been replaced to a different class. Cross those fingers!

Swimming has been going okay. I only have 10 more practices till this season is over, and ultimately, swimming is over. That'll probably get hard when I realize that that chapter of my life has closed, but we'll get to that when that comes.

Swim Lessons on the other hand have been going exceptionally! One of my children who was so scared the first night a few months ago is now swimming all by himself! Even if it's only a few yards, it is so rewarding! Then there are the kids that don't wanna be there, but whose parents force them. They are a different story and a struggle every week.

Now, for the non-academic, non-athletic, non-working part of my life. (I didn't know that existed either!) i have been fortunate enough to have spent so much quality time with Megan and Renee and that is slowly slipping away now that reality is picking back up. Megan goes back to College Station on Friday which is going to be a bummer. I have grown accustomed to being able to stop over at her house at all times! A friend of mine from camp's brother has gotten some nasty infection and is in the hospital. We have been told he will be in ICU for another 2 weeks, and then the hospital for a month. It isn't good. Camp friends form a family, so it has been a trying time for a lot of us to try and be there for each other and rally around Cameron and his brother (Kendall) and their family. You don't realize how much of an emotional battle it is when some of your closest friends are struggling, it causes you to struggle to maintain that happy upbeat personality as well.

So yeah, there's my past week! Whirlwindyish right? Yeah. Tell me about it!

Tomorrow's a NEW DAY!

LET'S GO!

Remember 3 locker combos... check!
Remember how to set an alarm clock... uh... check!
Remember parking spot number... umm... it's on the sticker in my window. phew!
Remember the bell schedule... nope.
Remember lunch number... nope.
Remember ANYTHING about calculus... nope.

Ready for the LAST semester of high school? LET'S GO!

Regardless, there is 151 days till we graduate. We can either make them the BEST 151 days, or we can make them the WORST 151 days. But either way... there are 151 days. I'm ready to make this last semester better than the previous 25!

^^Geesh... that makes me feel like I've been in school WAY too long!

Second Semester of Senior Year... LET'S GO!

Climbing with Trust

As usual, our youth group started this year off with our Annual Rock Climbing Adventure at Texas Rock Gym. Last year, if you can recall, I learned a lot! (If you don't remember, here's last years blog post) This year was no exception!

I recently got glasses and since the prescription is more accurate in my glasses, I tend to wear those more often than I do my regular contacts. So, not thinking, I wore my glasses rock climbing today. At one point Renee scratches hers, and tells me I should try climbing without my glasses. Umm... yeah, I'm almost blind without my glasses. But, being one for competition and challenges, I tried it.

Do you know how challenging it is to climb a 30 foot tall wall when you can barely see 6" in front of you? VERY! I couldn't see the rocks below me... or above me for the most part. I was relying SO much on Renee who was belaying me to tell me what to pull up on and what to step on. It was very difficult, but so life-like to me. (I thoroughly like relating experiences to real life). How often in life are we blind? Do we have no realization of God's plan, but are just trusting Him to pull us through, to guide us to where we need to step?

It was really neat to have this physical challenge to accept and complete that could relate to the spiritual challenges we face everyday. Everybody should try to go rock climbing with vision where they can't make out the "Big E" on the vision chart (it's now a "W"... who knew?) and learn to rely on the belayers with more faith than before. And more importantly-- relate it to God!!

two zero one zero

From tears to giggles,
From valley-moments to top of the mountains,
From heartaches to love,
From timidity to confidence,
From quiet to loud,
From nervousness to peace,
From enemies to friends,
From ignorance to knowledge,
From dark to light,

From low's to high's, I have learned so much from 2010! Bring it on 2011 :)