When is it Time?

When I was 3 I learned how to swim. I wasn't very good at it. I was the 6 and under that hung on the lane rope every 2 seconds. I was the 6 and under that the parents would clap for, because I had finally finished a 25 and the meet could move on. I was the 6 and under who could never manage to get all my hair in a swim cap, and always looked very dorky and out of place. I was the 6 and under who would always love to swim backstroke because it didn't involve putting my face in the water. I was THAT 6 and under. (Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about). But I was in love with the water, and nothing was going to change that.

A lot has changed in 14 years. Instead of 30 minutes a day, I have reached a maximum of 7 hours a day (only when polo and swimming were going on at the same time). Instead of 25's we now peak off around 7,000 yards a practice. Instead of the 6 and under that would have gotten lapped on a 25 if that was possible, I now compete and it's exciting (and sometimes [rarely] even lap other people). I'm now a pro at putting on swim caps (thanks, I know it's a real accomplishment), and I now think I look more natural in one than sometimes I do when I wear makeup and do my hair nice. I still love backstroke, but now it's because it's a pretty stroke, and I'm decent at it. The thing is, I'm not THAT swimmer anymore who loves swimming.

I have figure out that there's a difference between loving swimming, loving your teammates, and loving your coaches. Unfortunately, I just don't love swimming anymore. And I really wish that I could fall back in love with it, and who knows, it could happen. I don't find the excitement in practicing like I used to. I don't find technique weeks fun anymore. Honestly, sometimes I don't even love my team like I used to. All of my best friends used to be at the pool, and I'd call them my second family. Thankfully Renee and my little swimming sister Jacy are still there to keep me sane. In all truth, if it wasn't for my coaches Dennis and Kris, I would have been long gone.

Dennis and Kris know me better than anybody on the planet I can honestly say. There were points last year when they knew more about my day to day life than my parents did, simply because I saw them more. Coach Kris can read me like a book. I can have a smile on my face and be playing the act well, but he KNOWS when something is up. And the thing is, he doesn't just know something is up, he cares and he does his best to offer his "big brother" advice as I call it. And he will never let me leave if I'm not smiling. Coach Dennis is like my second dad. As proud of me as he is when I drop time, or keep up during practice, he is also proud when I tell him I got accepted into A&M, or that I aced a test. The fact is, they care for me in the water AND out. Almost all the time now, they are the reason I come to practice. Not because I have some passionate desire to swim. It's because I want to see my coaches.

How do you call it quits? How do you leave behind something that has made you who you are. How do you give up something that you have worked 14 YEARS for? This question ponders my head constantly, as I know the end is coming real near. There is a very real possibility that I'll be done in February. As done as I am with swimming, I still don't know how I will be able to give that up. I know one thing for sure. Just because I'm not swimming, doesn't mean Dennis and Kris still won't be a very big part of my life. I just can't picture it any other way.

............................................................
There. I feel better. Weird how blogging does that huh? Now off to go do that homework!!!