Swimming.

What do you do when something that has been a part of your life for 13 years, ceases to be in the future?

I was for sure set on not swimming summer league next summer and just working at camp. Coach Jon could try and try to get me to swim, but it wasn't happening. No way, no how. I was sick and tired of swimming, couldn't wait till February came and districts/regionals was out of the way, and then swimming would be done. D-O-N-E DONE!

Well... it might be time to rethink some decisions.

I was done with swimming. I was going to swim August-February and be done. Hang up the suit and call it quits. It wasn't fun anymore. Even most of my club team that used to be my second family had begun to drive me up the wall. Swimming wasn't fun. How is staring at a black line for 6-8 hours be fun? You can't talk. You can't laugh (or if you do, you choke on water). You can't breathe half the time. Where is that fun? It wasn't anymore. I swam because I wanted to finish what I started when I was 4. I wanted to swim my senior year, and call it quits.

This weekend, I fell back in love with the sport.

I can't describe the feeling. The heartbreak when you realize you weren't good enough in the 100 free. The disappointment when your time in the fly didn't even make the qualifying time. The frustration when your breaststroke doesn't compare to the others. The overwhelming joy that consumes your entire body when your coach tells you that you went a 26.8 split in the 50 free. The excitement when you realize that your relay broke the team record. The happiness that you feel when your favorite summer-league coach gives you a huge hug and tells you how proud she is of you. The satisfaction that comes when your team wins the meet, when you were behind most of the time. The bond that can form between 20 very different people when you all have a common goal. I can't describe it.

There is a quote that has always come to mind whenever I think about quitting swimming, and somehow fall back in love with it.

“Swimmers don't swim because its fun. Ask any of us, most of us hate it, but we couldn't imagine our lives without it. Its part of us, something we live for. We live for the 3 hour practices, the team parties, the long bus rides, the countless swim caps, the jokes, the friendships, the laughs, the coaches you hate but appreciate later, and the sport itself. We live for the way you become a family with your team, and how no one really understands what happens within the pool or locker room but you and your teammates. We live for the countless songs you sing in your head when you're swimming all those laps. We live for the people who scream at you while you're swimming even though all you hear is BLAH BLAH BLAH. We live for the competition, we live for the friends, we live for the practice, and we live for the pain. We live for the team; it's a part of us because we are swimmers.”

It's so true though. I can't imagine my life without swimming at this point. I owe quite a bit of that to this weekend. Feeling a part of a team again, bonding with a coach, realizing that you are all working towards one common goal.

When I found out that I went a 26.8, I was ecstatic. I realized that all the practices, the times when I wanted to give up, the moments when I wanted to throw my hands in the air and ask "do you really want me to die, because that's what you're shooting for!", it was all worth it. Every single bit of it. Nobody can understand that feeling except for a swimmer.

So I come to rethinking next summer. Maybe I could swim the first part of the summer, and work the second part? Because as of right now, I can't imagine not swimming next summer. I guess we will have to see what this year brings.

All I know is that after all the times when I have wanted to give up this past year, that I have just fallen back in love with swimming. <3